Dreamer

I'm such a dreamer. I constantly think about things that will probably never happen. My imagination distracts me from everything from schoolwork to housework to eating. It probably isn't healthy to hope the way I do.

I'm so stubborn. Which isn't necessarily a good combination with dreaming. Because then I hold on to dreams that I should probably let go of. But I just can't. I just don't want to. I want things to turn out a certain way, and I feel like if I don't keep dreaming and hoping and praying that it will never happen the way I want. I just keep holding my hopes and dreams so tightly, and then when it eventually becomes clear that what I want is impossible, and those hopes and dreams are ripped out of my heart, I fall so hard.

There is so much I've already said, but still so much I want to say. There is so much I've already asked, but still so much I want to ask. So many answers I want. I wonder, I dream, I hope, I pray, I gain confidence, I lose confidence, I despair, I cry, I wish, I want, I hope, I dream. It seems to be a never-ending cycle.

It hasn't become impossible yet. But it hurts to be so close and yet so far. It hurts to almost have it in my grasp, but at the same time know that I have no control over closing my fingers.

Why is it the way it is. Why do you do this to me. Why can't you explain to me why. What do you want. I just want to know. I'm still curious. And if things continue the way they have I expect I always will be. Maybe someday I'll ask what I still want to ask. Maybe someday I'll say what I still want to say. We'll see how things go.

Until I know, I'll just keep hoping and dreaming and wishing and praying.